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August 10, 2007

I’ve taken heat in the past from my own readers that sometimes my cursing is too gratuitous, that I’m too angry. So this first paragraph is for those readers. Your thoughtful pleas for more civility and less anger are very often taken under advisement and, when the mood strikes me, I oblige by laying out the facts with my arguments while not resorting to angry rhetoric. Today is different because circumstances compel me to do otherwise. So, to you gentle souls, if you have delicate sensibilities, allow me to warn you right now that what follows will be the vilest, filthiest, most furious post that perhaps I’ve ever written and will act on you like a microwave oven on Dick Cheney. So take this as your final opportunity to allow your mouse to migrate on over to the right side and click on the link of someone more civil and elegant, like Glenn Greenwald, for instance.

The rest of this post is for those readers who love to see me completely lose it when encountered by wingnuts who react to truth like a claustrophobe in a coffin.

I’m referring, of course, to the dead man to whom I’d tried to administer medicine, to paraphrase Thomas Jefferson, in my post about Ann Coulter’s “victory” over Al Franken. I’d tried letting Coulter’s stupidity speak for itself without resorting to ad hominems. I’d tried being gracious while poking holes in Coulter’s fallacious, dodgy and, frankly, ironic statements to the points that Mr. Franken had brought up.

Alas, logic and civility are not enough when dealing with that “other” ilk. So I shall dispense with one while continuing to avail myself of the other.

Because it seems Gay Conservative Steve has a problem with my pointing out the holes in Ann Coulter’s argument that rival only her FBI-stretched cunt in size. Let’s start with her asking Al Franken, a man who isn’t even a politician (yet) “when the next attack will be.”

This is all too reminiscent of Sen. James Inhofe asking Michael Crichton, a vindictive, overrated and overpaid sci fi novelist, to come to Capitol Hill to pontificate against the existence of global warming or the Christian Science Monitor hiring a standup comedian to do the same thing.

Yeah, Ann. Better to ask a comedian when the next al Qaida attack will be than to ask your hero who’d been posing as the leader of the free world for the last six and a half years.

If you’d done your reading, you’d know that Ron Suskind, author of The One Percent Doctrine, recently gave an interview when he said (and I paraphrase) that perhaps the reason why we haven’t been hit is because al Qaida has chosen not to hit us. American politicians of all stripes, he added, tend to think only in election cycles. Terrorists think ahead in decades. Just because al Qaida hasn’t flattened the Pentagon again or the Sears Tower should not be construed as proof of the efficacy of Homeland Security or George W. Bush. Hauling in bin Laden’s and al-Zawahiri’s ass would be, however and we’re no fucking closer to doing that now than we were in 2001.

But, of course, as Rumsfeld made plain two and a half years ago, we can’t do that because that would piss off bin Laden’s landlord Pervez Musharraf, George’s bestest, if sometimes exasperating, buddy.

As Bukko in Australia pointed out in the comment section of Steve’s original post, it’s not as if the dry drunk rube whom you generously refer to as your president hasn’t given them ample opportunities. He and the GOP Congress slashed our budget for port security so that only a small fraction of metal containers coming in are actually inspected. Same thing with baggage checked at the airport. We can now take lighters on board aircraft. The NIE says that we’re more vulnerable than ever to terrorist attacks and the State Department’s own report, which we last saw in 2005 and said the same thing, is now no longer available, the ultimate fate of any and all news that could possibly embarrass this Orwellian/Kafka-esque ship of fools that you risibly refer to as an actual administration.

But Bush and his hyper vigilance can’t even protect us from a Chinese terrorist called Contaminated Pet Food and Toothpaste. What has your hero done to protect our food supply? Our water supply? What has he done to strengthen the FDA to protect our food supply? Oh, yes, right. He installed veterinarian Lester Crawford to the top spot and a Bible-thumping rapist/sodomite named Dr. David Hager, who was, incredibly, nominated by Bush to be the head of the FDA’s Advisory Committee for Reproductive Health Drugs, an office for which Hager held nothing but contempt, to judge by the advice that he gave women.

This rampant cronyism and systematic contempt for the humanitarian role in government services is merely the tip what is a massive tip of an even more massive iceberg. From the FDA to NASA to the Department of Health and Human Services to FEMA (once a respected and effective Cabinet-level position headed up by James Lee Witt in the Clinton years), the Bush administration has made an invariable, self-destructive habit of electing to key administrative roles the most inept and unqualified buffoons on God’s green earth, as long as they toe the fundie line.

Many of these people are in charge of our national security, including Michael Chertoff, a guy who’d essentially handcuffed Michael Brown when he wasn’t quaffing margaritas and actually trying to do his fucking job after Katrina made landfall.

You prefer to see the glass as half full: We haven’t been attacked because of George W. Bush. I say we haven’t been attacked despite George W. Bush and the murderous clown show that is the GOP. And, after all, why should al Qaida waste money, manpower and resources trying to strike terror into our hearts when we have fear-mongers like George Bush and the Republican party to remind us how vulnerable we are after he’s been on the job going on seven fucking years.

You ask what Bill Clinton had done to fight terrorism. First, let me ask you: What did HW do to fight terrorism because the attack on the World Trade Center in 1993 was just a couple of months after Clinton took office. But you want to know what Clinton did to fight terrorism? Well, let’s see, now. A helluva lot more, it seems, in the final days of his administration than Georgie’s done in his six and a half year squattage in the Oval Office. President Clinton insisted on defining terrorists and taking them out surgically, from a distance, without risking the lives of troops or killing the people who were merely sheltering them.

So far in Iraq, Bush has killed a million hostages to get at a few hostage takers.

At the very least, Clinton never went on record to say, “I am truly not that concerned about him” less than seven months after the original World Trade Center bombing.

If that conflicts with Cyrus’s version of history from The Path to 9/11, then I apologize.

The scandals involving Republicans since January 2001 are so multitudinous, the principals involved so inextricably and incestuously entwined in cross-scandalous behavior that time and space forbids enumerating all of them unless one were to put them between bound covers. Yet, only a Koolaid-gargling, Jonestown refugee psychopath like yourself could look around at the pigshit stacked up to the ceiling and insist that you’re walking on sunshine, that things are so much better since the grownups took over from that evil Bill Clinton and his surplus and horrid days of abominable peace.

So let’s see what your $300 tax refund has bought you:

A war on science that pervades the HHS, with HW’s godson, whose other sole qualification for the job of the HHS’s Office of Global Health Affairs is a degree in Latin American history, actually telling the Surgeon General what to say (like political statements) and not say in reports about diseases in prison. Shades of George Deutsch, another snot-nosed fraud who told scientists at NASA to stop writing reports about the Big Bang Theory.

We have to borrow two billion dollars a day from the Chinese to float a deficit singlehandedly and immediately created by your hero thanks to unending tax breaks for his bloated Have Mores and a plainly illegal and unnecessary war that they or their relatives don’t have to fight.

The disappearance of a major American city that’s hardly any closer to getting back on its feet than they were when Katrina struck going on two years ago. New Orleans gives us a ringside seat for the grand experiment in a free market economy that Paul Bremer turned Iraq into the minute his Timberland boots touched the sand.

Outsourced incompetence footed by your tax dollars to the tunes of tens of billions a year and much of it under the guise of “Iraqi reconstruction”, from providing our troops with (contaminated) food and water to who (didn’t) deliver the mail to our wounded troops at Walter Reed.

Allies once loyal to America now ranging from skeptical to outright contemptuous because George had to take that detour from fighting terrorism (during which bin Laden escaped from Tora Bora. I suppose that, too, was Clinton’s fault, eh?) to spend what will surely be at least a trillion dollars fighting an easily-smashed nation that had no WMD, no connection to 9/11 or ties (back then) to al Qaida, one that nonetheless has fought us to at least a standstill.

Yet you put on your fucking rose-colored glasses and credit what you perceive as “enormous success” to George Bush and blame Bill Clinton and his cigar for everything that you don’t like (I guess that would be gays in the military, earned income credit counting again, nine figure surpluses, eight years of relative peace while quietly pursuing terrorists so we wouldn’t be disturbed while watching Survivor?).

Because George wears the red jersey. He has the “R” after his name. To paraphrase Jerry Seinfeld, you’re rooting for red laundry and you people are so completely blind to the radioactive faults of these bloated stumblebums at whose cloven hooves you grovel that we actually fear for your sanity.

Liberals and Democrats such as me recognize, acknowledge and condemn when our own leaders betray our principles and their own. When William Jefferson is caught with $90,000 in bribes in his freezer, we condemn him.

When Tom DeLay, Duke Cunningham, Jack Abramoff and other Republican scumbags are caught stealing and illegally laundering millions, you look away and whistle and keep bringing up pikers like Jefferson. Because they wear the red jerseys. They’re on your team. And members of a team stick together, right? They watch each other’s backs, right? Like when people such as Ted Haggard are revealed to be hypocrites, they then turn around and treat homosexuality as if it’s a mental disease that has to be either prayed out or requiring psychotherapy.

When Bill Clinton was caught with his pants down, two-legged Cujos such as you thought it was the end of Western Civilization. But when a Republican is busted offering to suck black cock in a bathroom because he feared for his life, I suppose that’s a profile in Republican courage?

And the reason why Republicans prosper is because of two things: One, they have to cheat year after year to win elections that they ordinarily couldn’t win and, Two, they have just enough rubes like you giving them just enough votes so that a nudge from Diebold and ES&S makes a victory plausible.

They appeal to cruel, stupid people such as you by pandering to your own pet prejudices, peeves and phobias which they dress up as legitimate campaign issues, like gay marriage. Like Creationism. Like stem cell research. Because knowledge is power and they fear an electorate that has knowledge.

Thankfully, they have ventriloquist dummies like you, Steve, who gleefully parrot every single talking point that’s somehow replaced an actual fucking national discourse on the salient issues because idiots such as you and your ilk have yet to understand that there is a crucial difference between information and actual fucking knowledge.

And while they whistle through the bank claiming innocence, claiming that those $70,000 golfing junkets to Great Britian paid for by lobbyists didn’t at all influence their legislation, that those Halliburton connections didn’t at all didn’t come into play when your neocon heroes waged, against all earthly reason, a war on Iraq, while they pretended to whore themselves out to canvas tent revivalist gay-baiters whom they then stabbed in the back and screwed them out of literally 90% of the money they were promised…

…while all this and much, much more was going on, even as the World Trade Center twin towers collapsed on your hero’s watch, even while he sat in that little chair like the wart on Bill Clinton’s cock, holding that little book after being told of the second one (yes, Bush knew about the first one before he even walked into that classroom but, as Michael Moore said, George had to have his photo op), even as almost 2000 drowned on the Gulf coast while he flew off in the opposite direction after dodging a grieving war mother to go to GOP fundraisers, play the guitar, squeeze in a round of golf, eat cake with John McCain and compare himself to a better president…

…while all this was going on and much, much more, like the secret wiretapping of your phone calls, the financial datamining, the subversion of your every constitutional right, people like you kept your thumbs up your increasingly distended rectums and never, never noticed that your thumb was getting bloodier and bloodier.

Meanwhile, you stand around, your thumb up your bleeding assholes, with a shit-eating grin on your face marveling at Republican progress while your heroes are furiously hollowing out the National Treasury like a school of piranhas in a buffalo corpse, selling out their legislation to the highest bidder, and ladling out the Koolaid that never seems to run out and, curiously, always makes you thirstier for more.

And, as a personal aside, Clinton derangement syndrome is so gauche.

posted by jurassicpork


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